I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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