Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
