Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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