apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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