the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
