we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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