1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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