I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
