What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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