Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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