Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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