Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
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And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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