Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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