what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he fucked my hip out of place.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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