You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
