So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
