Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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