Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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