i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.