i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left