In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.