you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How does one acquire holy water?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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