I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
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tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice