there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
