Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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