Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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