so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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