Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Two words: nipple clamps
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