its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
