I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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