Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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