mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
