I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
