i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
