i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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