I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
