you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
