Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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