can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
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I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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