you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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