i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
