bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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