I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
