I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
