The beer is more important than you right now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
