I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
