You just made me feel so damn special
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
