I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
