Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
