are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
