Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
