Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
