So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
