I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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