I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
