I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
