Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
