are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
