you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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