I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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