all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
