were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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