I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
the raccoons are back...
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