I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
