BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
