If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
