I will die if light touches me.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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