You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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