i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I AM VODKA MAN
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
